You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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