Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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