There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think my moral compass just broke
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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