I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
