i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Success! We fucked roommates!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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