you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just pee around me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
