It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
