So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
