they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
