how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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