Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
