There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
