I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
