I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
