Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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