Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
