his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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