he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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