and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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