some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
