the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
