If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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