So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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