I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
