Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize