they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
