hotel room ftw
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize