Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
