This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
