I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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