and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
