At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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