Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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