You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
