She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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