I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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