that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
