I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
