I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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