I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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