She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize