So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
