the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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