he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
