dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
