When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
