And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I will pee on everything he values.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The ass gains better be worth it
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