the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
