um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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