I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
