in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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