the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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