Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
