We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
