I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's Friday. Sex?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize