my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
