I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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