So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
