don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
