I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
