I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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