They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We need a shit load of segways right now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize