just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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