no, he came in my armpit
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
