There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
