My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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