I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
