You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
