Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
