Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
