Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize