she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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