Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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